bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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