her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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