Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
