she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
