Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We had sex on a dog bed..
my liver is dry heaving
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
