I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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