Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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