Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nutella sex= disaster
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
