Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
