2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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