K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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