I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
