I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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