Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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