i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The power of my boobs compel you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
