Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
