And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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