If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
