i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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