i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize