chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ttyl tear gas
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
