Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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