i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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