Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
