Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
