you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
