Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
