then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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