Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
