I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
