I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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