I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
