Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
