No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
