I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
