She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize