SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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