This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
