Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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