k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
