I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize