I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
