You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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