I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
