is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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