im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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