I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
