I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
