so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
