So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
