I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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