exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
