You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
