I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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