It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
