I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
