dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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