i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Houston, we have a blender
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
