It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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