I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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