I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
