Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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