She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
