remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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