fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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