Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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