I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just had sex on a roof
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
