i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
