Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
