Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
