I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
