It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
